The power point, "Little Loss, Big Hurt: Miscarriages", written by M. Kampschroeder (2007), really hit home! I never realized how common a miscarriage was until I had one during my second pregnancy. I felt so alone and wasn’t sure how to act. I knew that I was very sad, but I felt guilty for being sad. Nobody talked about the emotional part of the loss of a pregnancy.
The power point stated that 80% of miscarriages happen in the first trimester. I was 7 weeks pregnant, and shocked that this happened to me, especially after a normal healthy pregnancy. My OB/GYN was very nonchalant after telling me that he could not find the heart beat and that I was in the process of having a miscarriage. He acted as if it was any everyday thing and no big deal. I was in shock and sent home without answers, to pass the embryo on my own. The nurse explained the physical changes, the bleeding and cramping and gave me some pain pills. Nobody prepared me for the psychological part of a miscarriage. The moment I passed the embryo, was moment that I will never forget. I panicked, not knowing what to do with it. Was I supposed to pick it up out of the toilet to take to a lab? Should I call my priest? Should I burry it own my own? I called the OB office and they said they didn’t need it, to just flush it! It was an unbearable feeling when I had to pull that handle. I was devastated. I felt guilty and wondered what I did wrong.
After my check up with the doctor, he reported that after my next healthy menstrual cycle, we were able to start trying again. I couldn’t bare the idea of getting pregnant again and taking a chance of going through another miscarriage. But after a couple of months I knew I needed to get pregnant again. I needed to get over the grief and guilt I was feeling.
I know realize how common miscarriages are and that everything I felt was normal! And yes the third pregnancy did help, and I delivered a healthy baby girl 9 months later.
Hi Beth,
ReplyDeleteI had a friend who had a miscarriage and she was devasted. I remember her calling me and telling me that she lost the baby. She was so excited when she found out she was pregnant and then to lose the baby just like that hurt her deeply. I tried to just console her and make her feel better, but nothing that I could do would make it better and after a really long string of months she was much better and is good now. It was early in the pregnancy when she lost it, but she said that her sister had also had a miscarriage and then after that had a healthy baby so that helped. I have never been pregnant myself, but I know that it can take its toll.
Hi Beth,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your personal experience. I also didn't realize how common miscarriages were until I joined the club, so to speak. I was 11 weeks pregnant and it was my second pregnancy too. I had been to a prenatal visit or 2 already and seen the heartbeat. Then one night out of the blue it spontaneously was coming to an end. The entire process was devastating and painful. The Dr I spoke with on the phone was nonchalant like yours and once I got in touch with my regular doctor and had my visit with the ER doctor, I found them to be much more caring. Which is what we need in that situation. I was happy to discover after all of this, that more people than I realized had been through the same thing and I was able to talk and be open about my experience. I found empathy and commonality somewhere I didn't know I would and all it helped do was deepen my relationships with people. Miscarriage is a difficult event in life to go through, but there is support out there all over the place~~ I will keep my ultrasound of my lost baby forever! Thank you for sharing your story, Heather Noe
Hi Beth, I'm sorry for your loss with the miscarriage, but I'm happy that you have baby girl to add to your family. I have never been through a miscarriage, but I know my aunt had four miscarriages. Her first pregnancy was a miscarriage at 3 weeks, then she had two girls for her next two pregnancies, then she had another two miscarriages at 6 weeks and 8 weeks, then she had another girl, and her last miscarriage at 10 weeks. My aunt wanted a baby boy really bad and tried for her last pregnancy and they were blessed with a baby boy. She went through so many pregnancies and miscarriages, I could only imagine the pain and the emotional stress that she and other women who had miscarriages, like you, were going through. I believe that it is one thing that I'm scared of being pregnant. There can be so many complications with a pregnancy, but to go through a normal pregnancy and have a spontaneous miscarriage would definitely break my heart. Thanks for sharing your personal experience.
ReplyDeleteBeulah Abraham
Beth,
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate you for sharing your story. Your story and experience will help other women experiencing same emotions. I can only imagine all the physical and emotional hardship you went through. I don’t wish miscarriage upon anyone but some people have to deal with it. Congratulations on your baby girl and overcoming your miscarriage. I have never been through a miscarriage but I know the emotional pain associated with it. My mom had 3 miscarriages before I was born. She never told me until I was pregnant. When she told me her story it brought tears to my eyes. She told me about her first miscarriage. She was newlywed when she became pregnant and 5 months in to her pregnancy she had a miscarriage. She said it was the most painful thing she had to go through mentally and emotionally. After trying for months she was not able to get pregnant again. After two long years she was pregnant with my older brother. Thanks again for sharing.
Subuk Usmani